live, love and laugh :)

Official

2009-09-05T12:59:00.002+08:00

30th August 2oo9- This day marked the beginning of our future together. Yes, he finally asked me. I was overjoyed; and till date, sometimes I still feel like it was all a dream. It happened all too fast; in a good way of course. I just hope sometimes, that this officiality would actually change things, and make me feel more 'loved'. Even tho, its all official, and he tells me that he loves me, there's still part of me that feels that this doesn't change much. He's still as bz as ever with the restaurant opening up nxt week. I DO understand that he's bz and all. But it just doesn't help. It doesn't change the fact that he's never had time for me, yet alone, will he ever? I go by each day just doing my thing, hoping that at least by the end of the week, I'd get to see him. Even if it was for a few hours. Even if it means only a few minutes. Its saturday again, and for the past few weeks, saturday nights have been the only thing I would look forward to. It was the night that he'd be able to spend time with me. Where we would just lay around in each other's arms and be in our own world. I guess these kinda nights wont be happening for a long while now. I have to get used to this, yet, 6 months of it still does not make me feel like I'm used to it. It just doesn't get any easier at all. Not one single bit.

Singapore in 3 weeks. Can't wait. To be just away and be preoccupied so I wont be like how I am now, anxiously waiting to get a glimpse of him, to get a hug or a peck. I know I may sound really mean, and sound as if I can't wait to be away from him. But I guess, I kinda do need a break from this. To just go back and just relax and not think so much. He's upset that I'm gone, but sometimes I ask myself, does it really matter? Even when I'm around, here in Perth, the situation is still the same. Me here at home or doing my thing, and there you are, doing your thing. Alone time just doesn't exist for us does it? Will it ever..?

Sweet but hard.

2009-08-16T21:50:00.003+08:00

Feelings have definitely grown. We definitely want this to work. We definitely see a future in 'us'. He is definitely opening up to me. And it has been awesome-ly sweet & breath-taking.

But time is definitely not our best friend. The business is totally consuming him up, with very limited time and space for Priscilla. Its so hard already, and with this all now, makes it even harder for me to breathe and to hold on. No matter how much I want this, part of me, seems to want to let go. There's times when you need him around but he just can't be. And this is only the initial stage. What will happen in the future? Will there be more time once the business is up for me like how he pressume it to be? If yes, great. If not, what am I to do? To continue holding on dearly, or to let him go cos you absolutely love him? All I'm hoping for is a little bit more time for me, for us to spend together, for us to continue keeping this love strong and alive.

♥♥♥♥♥

2009-07-31T10:58:00.002+08:00

Wow. It's been almost half a year since I last blogged. Time sure does fly pass real quick. Nothing interesting has happened over this period of time. Guess the only good thing that happened was, me & you ♥. It started off really rocky and wrong, but eventually, we made it to where we are now. Even though we aren't official yet, I see a really bright future. You've started to open up to me, and I can definitely see a change in you. The things you've made me done, may sometimes be hard & pressurizing, but I know that at the end of the day, its benefiting me just like how it would benefit you, and us. Anyways, I've got 3 months to prove that I can do it. This lil deal between you and me B. I can do it. And I will definitely push on and keep my determination alive.

Baby, I love you like how I love chicken (:

perfect now.

2009-02-28T16:26:00.002+08:00

Life is good; of course with some ups and downs still evident, but I could not ask for anything more than what I have now. Uni's been okay, its only the 2nd week, and I already have 2 assignments waiting for me to be completed in less than 5 days. Grrr. Anyways, been partying quite a bit, BUT, have not been popping or dead drunk yet (: I've got a 2 weeks prac coming up, and I am dreading it. Not that I dont love teaching, its just, the school and the teacher that I've got this time, isn't very nice. I wanted to avoid it, to change schools, or even to postpone my prac, but I know that I would be just running away from it if I did that; I would be just chickening out. In reality, we meet these kinda people everywhere. And the best way to overcome them, is to face them. Wish me luck for this prac people! (:

I saw him today; after so long. Butterflies were flying all around inside my tummy as I drove over to his place. Blood was pumping real hard and fast through my whole body, and my heart was thumping as I walked into his house. I have waited so long just to see him again; to know how he is. And today, I finally got my wish. I was afraid that he would shoot me down with sarcasm and was afraid to face him. But he didn't. So much has happened between us boy, and I know that things will never be the same ever again. But all I am asking for, is just another chance, to be friends. I know I am stupid to be even hoping for that, because life for me, would definitely be a lot better without you around. But you know what? I really do miss you, I miss the memories and the good fun we had together. Its not the mushy 'i love you, i miss you' way; but the 'I really miss having a friend like you' way. I'm not going to chase this back, but I do hope that someday, you'll realise that, even all that has happened, I forgive you.

drained out but excited.

2009-02-19T02:16:00.002+08:00

Cousin from the UK just arrived! :) Can't wait to start catching up. Its been almost 10 years since we last saw each other. We were laughing at how we used to have bitch fights back in those days. Haha. Good old memories.

Talked to Adriane today. Apologise for the shit I put her through when I was going through the shit myself. I really wished I didn't yell at her at that time, but I was really just not in the right state of mind. Anyways, what's done is done. And I've said what I wanted to say. The rest is up to her. If our friendship really goes down the drain just because of him, I'm going to be really upset. But then, there's also nothing I can do anymore. The ball's in her court. And I'd respect whatever that will happen from now..

Nana's back too! Can't wait to catch up with her even though we just caught up like a week ago. Pardee with the girls on Friday! Woo :)

Okay I think I need to sleep. Super drained out from moving rooms (moved from my old room to a much much bigger room. YAY!) Plus I gotta wake up in less than 6hrs for uni. Boo. Night night world :)

i feel so good.

2009-02-16T00:38:00.002+08:00

I'm dead tired. Can't stop yawning, but dont know why I just cant get to sleep. Went to bed at 1130 but just kept tossing and turning around. Maybe my body is so used to sleeping at 4 5am that it just wont allow it to go to rest so early. Damn. And I have breakfast at 830 tmr before uni. Garr.. I'm kinda glad that uni is starting again. For some weird reason, I have the urge to start doing assignments and all. I just hope I wont start complaining real soon and wished I was still on a holiday. Haha.

Went out for coffee with Esmee & Rach today. It felt so good seeing them again after so long. We talked and seriously, I couldn't ask for any better friends. They've stuck around all these while, even when I was foolishly blinded by him. And even till date, they're sticking by. I really wished I could turn back time and listened. Because if I had done so, so much shit would have been avoided. Like seriously, SHIT. After going through so much in 2008, 2009 is going to be a lot better. Not only am I going to focus on what's right for me like my education, but learn to show love and appreciation for the people around whom I cherish dearly.

I'm glad I'M back. The Priscilla people knew and cared about before shit happened.
:)

A fresh start.

2009-02-13T23:48:00.009+08:00

2008 is over and its already midway through Feb 2009- Time really does fly! 2008 was definitely not a good year for me. Too many things happened; mostly down times. Friendships were broken, relationships were affected, decisions were made impulsively. It was one hell of a rollercoaster ride. A ride that I am so glad its over. Whatever happened, obviously happened for a reason; so all that I can do now, is learn from all those mistakes and make 2009 a better year for me, and the people I care and love so dearly.

Till the 9th of Feb, I was still living in the dark. I still felt life was a dark dark place. Everything that had happened were still replaying in my mind over and over again. I wanted to stop thinking and look for a clear path, but part of me, wouldn't leave the past behind. I still made up excuses to make myself feel better. I was decieving myself. I was in denial. I was telling myself that I would continue leading the life I had in 2008- a life of a junkie; a life of an unfilial daughter; a life of an unsuccessful student who knew she had the potential if she tried hard enough; a life of a friend who was willing to give in but was always taken for granted. However, after going to the temple that day, I felt a lot different. I dont know if it was purely made up in my mind that life would be different, or if really, the visit to the temple really did wash that darkness away. My mind was a lot clearer, and I was a lot more focused. I felt lighter; fresher. It was this day that I made many plans, to change; for the better.

Instead of leaving on the 16th, I changed my flight to the 12th the next day. I wanted to go back to pack my room, to prepare for uni, to make amendments with family and friends, and to clear many issues. It was time to leave anyway. Staying in Singapore was worse. It was time I started to think with my head and not my heart. 2009 IS going to be a better year. I am going to stop taking junk that destroys the body, and really start amending myself to be a better daughter, student and friend. I want to concentrate on my studies and cut down on a lot of unneccessary things like clubbing and popping. Need to save money for my june trip. Japan, wait for me ok! (:

Heartbreaks last as long as you want and cut as deep as you allow them to go. You broke my heart; you really did. I put in so much effort to make things work, and once and once again, you did things to hurt me, you broke what we had. All your words means nothing to me anymore, its just all bullshit. You were a good liar I must admit. It happened too fast, and its only right that it ended soon too. We really are 2 different people, and I wished I realised that sooner. However, I dont regret being with you. But from this day fourth, the scar and pain that you have given me is fully healed! :)

The sun will still shine.

Its just the beginning of a great year.

And I miss you lil precious!

hello again; after so long!

2008-12-14T15:21:00.006+08:00

HELLO AGAIN! (:

Its has been a long time since i blogged- 4 good old months. So much has happened throughout this 4 months. some good, some bad. but overall, i would say, it has been alright. nothing in particular i would really wanna blog about what has happened over those 4 months, because at this current point, I have managed to forget about something, rather, someone. the one that I have been seeing for the past 4 months who have used me over and over again. And stupid enough, I continued to let him use me even though I knew that was the fact. Anyhoo, its over. My feelings for him is decreasing more and more each day, which is oh-so-fabulous. Hopefully by the time i head back to Perth again, I'd be so over him I wouldn't just melt the minute he sweet talks me (: Goodbye sucker. You really really sucked!

I'm back in Singapore. Leaving for LA and Las Vegas next Sunday. Oh so excited! Be back to Singapore again on the 2nd and then to Msia on the 18th Jan-28th. Leaving back for Perth on the 16th Feb. As you can see, its a long long holiday for me! Jealous much peoples? Haha :D

Anyways, thanks for all the people that were around to celebrate my 21st with me! It wouldn't have been memorable without you people around. Love love love! Shall upload the pictures all when I'm free again. Meanwhile, stay tunned for my adventures in Singapore. HAHA :D *waves*

priscilla is affected.

2008-08-24T17:13:00.002+08:00

Life is like a rollercoaster. Sometimes there are ups, and definitely there are downs too. We all wish life would always be high and happy, but indeed, those down times, would make us all a stronger person. I'm only 20 and I've already experienced a lot of shit. Some shit to a point where I feel like giving up on myself, feel like giving up on life because I seriously couldn't continue walking down this road when all I've been experiencing is bumps and falls. I'm so prepared to just walk away from it; cos its way too hard for me to handle. In life, especially at our age, we like to have our share of fun. We're hardly home because we try to spend as much time as we can out with friends especially when you're trying to juggle all that with work and uni. So what's so wrong about that? Its not like we're doing anything illegal right? Its not like its harmful to our body; maybe to our pockets cos we do tend to spend a lot, But hey, its the company and fun we all share; a memory we'd keep forever in our hearts. But our parents will never understand that. All they can do is complain that we're not spending enough time with them, that all we care about is our friends and FUN FUN FUN. I mean seriously, even if I am home, all i ever do is sleep. There is seriously nothing else for me to do. Family dinner, and then? They go up to watch their cantonese drama series, and I'm back in my room facing my laptop or sleeping. I dont do anything at home. But when I'm out, I have so much fun. We chat and build relationships. We learn stuff from each other, and we help each other out. Isn't this what they would want us to do instead; to grow up? To go out to the wider society and learn for yourselves? To learn from experience and if we do fall, learn to have to strength to pull ourselves up once again? Come on, I'm fucking sick of all the fights I have with my parents. They seriously dont even know what they want from me. I mean, I've done everything I can as their daughter; everywhere i go i'd let them know, whatever i do whoever im with, they'd know. Mum's like my best friend- she knows every single thing that happens to me, day in day out. Seriously, its not as if I take the home like a hotel. The max days I ever stay away from home in a week would probably be only 3, and that's usually on the weekends. I dont know what the fuck they want from me. That night, she broke my heart; she told me to stab her with the knife she held in her hand. Because she couldn't continue living knowing how she has failed as a mother. I mean, why not kill ME first? I'm the one, the cause of her feeling this way. I've made them so disappointed in me. But to be honest, I really dont know what that really means. Fuck it. I'm seriously sick of it. It hurts each time we argue. But its coming to a point where some part of me is already numbed...

The weekend was woah, and i mean W-O-A-H. Lol. It started off alright, meeting up with friends and having a few drinks with them to start the ball rolling for a good night (as we hoped). Then my lollies came. I had only planned to take one, cos I had already drunk. And you're NOT supposed to ever mix them together cos it will seriously fuck you up. Stubborn as always, I did that even though I knew what I was bringing myself into. Because of some stupid reasons, I got pissed at my bff, the girl who has stuck by me through everything over some stupid guy. Therefore, I called my friend up to get another lolly. When I reached the dance floor, those 2 lollies started to react, and I could feel it. Having no control, Marshall gave me another one. So I had 3, all in less than an hour. The next minute, as I was hugging this other girl, we both fell. After being pulled back up, I could not remember a single thing anymore. Not till the minute I somehow woke up in the car. 3 hours of events; 3 hours of conversations and everything were erased from my mind. I apparently passed out in the toilet, But i couldn't even remember going to the toilet. I couldn't even remember who came out to yell at me for being so fucking stupid. I couldn't even remember how I managed to walk out from the club to the car. Worse enough, I couldn't even control myself. I was smoking on an imaginary cig and blowing out 'puffs of smokes'; I was typing away on my imaginary phone even though it had already slipped off my hand; I was sending a message to a friend asking where he was, reading this: dhrewr,sdfl,dsayufkj. That friday night was seriously an eye opener. I had NEVER ever expected myself to become like this. And I dont ever want myself to ever fall and become addicted to this shit. I made a lot of my friends disappointed in me. And I'm really sorry for ruining your nights as you guys were out there to look after me. I hope this will be the last time you'd ever see me in this horrible state. BFF- You know who you are. Thank You for everything. And I'm really sorry for treating you the way I did that night. I hope u'd forgive me, cos I really can't lose you (:

I dont like you; and I wont deny that I love the company.
But please, would you stop blowing this hot cold shit on me?
It hurts even though we're not what I may have wished we were.
I'm not your soft toy, boy;
I'm not there for you to cuddle when you want to,
And then for you to kick away when you're not in the mood to.
I'm only human and no matter what we are, I WILL still be affected.
I see you the way you see me; no more no less.
But i still respect you as a full-fledged human being with functioning emotions,
So i'd appreciate it if you returned that respect too..

loving it.

2008-08-17T23:28:00.003+08:00

I've been living it up (: Days are going pass faster and happier for me each day. Just when I thought this year is the worse year I've ever had, things have gone better in time. The thought of the weekends have been the only thing that kept me going through the week. The fun that we all have is irreplaceable and indescribable. Thanks babes! (:

this is what happens to me at the end of an awesome night! (:

no promises.

2008-08-09T10:30:00.003+08:00

Life seems to be getting back on track for me. I've realised a lot of things and have come to terms with it (: Sometimes, we all pretend to like someone; to be friends with them; even though deep down we do have our own reservations about them. As long as we dont hear anything nasty, we continue to befriend them. That's how life works right. The twisted way of relationships in this world. What you hear isn't something you can believe all the time; its what you see with your very own eyes. People who just believe what they hear is plain stupid. There are people out there who are very cunning; good with their words; where they can potentially screw up your thinking. Whatever it is, whatever the situation is right now; I dont give a hoots about it. Because I know that, I dont deserve this. Its over and I'm glad it all ended after such a short period of time. Friends DO come and go; TRUE friends hang around! (:

Met up with DEE after like 3 years. Had our lil high school reunion gathering on thursday at garbo. It was really nice seeing her again after soooooooo long. Didn't do much after having dinner together cos they were all kinda tired, and had work the next morning. So Yenny, Shena and I headed to utopia for bbt. Yummy. Oh, headed to the Courts yesterday. It was awesome! (: Its a gay club but it has like THE best mix of songs; no joke! Might be our frequent friday hang out place from now on, hey shena? (:

URGH. work tonight :( So not looking forward to it.....

life is like a haircut.

2008-08-07T15:17:00.004+08:00

Life is like a haircut. It comes in many colours and styles. You're not going to change it unless you want to. And if it changes against your will its because something shit has happened. Most of the time you know what you want; but other times you dont know what suits you best. It changes a lot over the years. Some styles come and go; and then come back again. One day you'll say 'what was I thinking?!' People judge you on your haircut, when instead what they need is a restyle of their own.

happ-pp-ppyy.

2008-08-06T18:26:00.004+08:00

It was such a niceeee day today. The weather was awesome! And it made me hap-p-pyy (: Went for lunch with Shena to Makan2 and had an awesome lunch buffet. Ate sooo much but it was all good. Then we headed down to South Perth. The view was so good. The skies were soooo blue even under my shades. We just layed there listening to music, enjoying the clear blue skies and had yummy gelare icecream. It was just a great day (:(:

i lovelove:

I've realised.

2008-08-05T21:53:00.007+08:00

With the blink of an eye, its already August! How time flies uh. 2008 has just been the worse year for me. Time and time again, I land myself in a quick sand. Falling deeper and deeper, with no one there to help me; no strength to pull myself up and out of it. It felt like I was falling into depression, turning all my problems and sadness to my new found best friend- alcohol. Drinking made me feel so much better, well, for the first few hours. Then, all the problems seem to come back again. I had no one to turn to; no one to understand how I really was feeling; no one to console me; no one to pull me up. I started giving up on myself; I felt so helpless. I was in no control of my own life. Luckily one fine day, a friend called to check up on me, and knocked a lil sense into me. And that following night, my best bud came back from her holiday; thus knocked even more sense into me. She really woke me up. She really made me think; made me realised how silly I was; how stupid I was to let people treat me the way they have. I certainly didnt deserve any of it. Not one single bit. For all the things I have done for them, they can turn around and bite me in the butt. For all the things I have done, they never seemed to appreciate it. Why should I continue spending all my time, and putting in so much effort into something that would never ever blossom? You see, Priscilla trusts people way too easily, opening up to them when she can see a bond/connection. She's too socialable, too friendly, too nice. Heard the saying- Nice people finish last? Sometimes in life, we have to be selfish. Do things for ourselves. Think of ourselves first. Not people around you. This is something I've never managed to do. Its so hard to accomodate to people, when I dont even consider accomodating to myself. I just pretty much go with the flow. And you see, thats where this has all landed me. Anyhoo, I'm just glad its all over. I've cried too much over this year; spent too much effort on undeserving people; spent wayy too much money on shit knows what; didn't do as well as expected for my uni; almost fell out with the closest people around me; and drank wayy too much alcohol. Its time for a change- a good one i hope. I believe that the sun will still shine on me tmr (:

lovelove these bitches xoxo.

too much to handle.

2008-07-17T02:51:00.002+08:00

Just got home from drinking at jem's place. Feeling kinda tipsy and pretty surprised how I didn't fall asleep on my wheel. Lol. Had a heart to heart talk to her; sorting out our differences. Although there was a lot more to be sorted out, the main points came out. I can't believe I found out that he was a 2 face. All along, I was foolishly thinking that he wasn't. That he was a true friend. After being there for him through his darkest point; the point in life where it kinda mattered life and death. And for him to do this to me after all went well. To know what he has said behind my back. To tell her stuff that was never meant to be revealed. At all. Stuff that we both sweared would never ever come out of our mouths after the moment we had the talk. It was meant to stay there. We talked about a lot of issues. From issues that related to them, to issues about us, and the past. It sure did hit a part of our heart pretty painfully but still we managed to stay strong and continued our conversations. Sometimes in life, we choose to do things against our own wills for the better of someone. I did that. I made a choice which I would never have done to protect someone. Like I said, no matter what the future may hold, I sure hope, I made the right choice. I really dont want to be involved in this anymore. I just need to pack up and leave. For good.

We are all different. All unique in our very own ways. And sometimes, meeting someone who is so different from you, your personalities will clash. Its not easy to handle; but it just depends how much you are willing to make it work. I'm trying. I really am. You said you are. But it sure doesn't seem like you are. And it hurts real bad. To be crying over you. A friend whom I call a friend; but others who think likewise. People think you're just using me. To be honest, I do think I am used; that you are walking all over me. I'm just a taxi driver, a on-call friend when you're lonely, a walking atm when you're broke. I just can't deal with this anymore. I have to make a choice. But this decision making is just so hard. Cos i consider you as a friend. And I can never walk out on friends. I do want to make things work, but I can't do it alone. If I ever find out that you leaked out what we've talked about tonight, I swear it'd be the end of our friendship (a friendship which you said you treasure too much not to lose me). I really hope that's the truth..

So much has happened. I just wish it'd get better soon. Friends arent' just what's bothering me atm. Deep down inside of me, there's something much much more serious. Something that could potentially affect me. My future and everything that revolves around me. Its impossible that I could be.. But I'd never know till I find out. But i'm afraid to do it. Cos i dont know if i'd be able to handle the consequences. I'm afraid I'd end up killing myself.. Serious.

friends come and go.

2008-07-16T01:15:00.005+08:00

I can't believe its been almost 2 months since I last blogged. What has happened over these past 2 months? To think about it, shit loads have happened. From being broke and stressed over exams to the extreme of losing friends. Exams went alright I suppose. Even though, its still saying 'Not Available' for one of the units. I studied so hard and barely scrapped through. Oh wells, I hope next semester will be better. Just finished off a winter assignment I had to do, due tmr. Hopefully I can at least get a credit or distinction for that unit. Pray hard for me people :)

I dont know why I can never say no to friends; how I will always go all the way out for them; always accomodating and pleasing them before myself. And at the end of the day, they can turn around and bite you. The things I do isn't ever appreciated, but thought of as the thing I SHOULD do as a friend- the responsibility of being their friend. Its totally not fair. Not fair at all. To be there for them through their darkest points, to help them and give them the courage to pull themselves up and stand up again. Are these really my responsibilities? Its hard to walk away, till the last minute I was still trying so hard to save the friendship of ours. To the point where I couldn't do it anymore. The pain of being treated like shit, to be yelled at and showed no respect for. I've had enough. And that's the reason why I walked away. Don't ever blame me for what I've done. I had to. I couldn't continue befriend-ing you; to squander all my savings on the things we did, to give up on my studies, to fight with my family and was on the verge of losing the closest people to me; to give out all I could as a friend who doesn't respect or appreciate me. You chose to let me go, so don't blame me for not giving you the chance now to talk about it.

Seriously, a lot has happened to me this year. Its halfway through the year and all the drama that has happened has accumulated to what I would usually experience in 2 years combined. I almost lost my best friend; the girl whom understands me inside out, the one whom I could fully trust with my life, the one who is always there for me dispite the distance and differences we share. I'm so glad we cleared things up and managed to save the friendship which means the world to me. I'm sorry to have neglected you, and sorry to put you through so much on your trip here to Perth. But the fear of potentially losing you made me realise how much I value this friendship. So thankyou for everything that you have done for me Marilyn :)

Yesterday, I cried my heart out realising what I have done towards another friend- this friend I cherish a lot too. What I said and what I've done was really just looking out for you. I didn't want to see you hurt, didn't want to see you fall after knowing what has happened in your past. I know what I did was wrong, and I'm sorry. I didn't mean for things to turn out this way; but maybe like what you said, the consequence has really arosen out of my own hands. I wish I could turn back time, because if I could, I would never have chosen to step in. For now, I've decided to walk away. Whatever the future may hold from today onwards, its all up to you. It's what YOU want, and not what I want. Its your own life, and you choose how to live it. Not what I say to shape it.

I never used to believe that friends will come and go. Because I never ever wanted any friend to leave. I've always done whatever I can to make them stay because I cherish every single one of them. After all that has happened, I finally understand how, we can never please everyone. Its either me or you. And its time, I learn to see that and take that into account. I really hope that I can be stronger and firmer now; not to let people whom i proclaim as friends to walk all over me. Cos friends certainly dont do that. Right?

Anyhoos, I'm busy preparing for my 21st! Even though its like in 5 months time. Haha. But there's so much work to be done! All the bookings and dates to be fixed. Kinda have a set venue and idea of what I'd be doing in Singapore- Winebar and Zouk! But still not sure what I'd do here in Perth yet. All I know is, I'm definitely planning to get TRASHED :) So all you people out there, better keep your 28th Nov for MEEEEEEEEEEE! :)

Its 2.05am and its time for me to sleeeeeppp.
Highlight for tmr: A new haircut! :)
Goodnight!

i miss home.

2008-05-25T21:37:00.003+08:00

I really miss Singapore; and I really want to go back in July. But I can't. No matter how much I want to, and how much I hope to; I can't. Unless I dont apply for my Australian citizenship now when this is my best chance to. Its digging my head in quite a bit; making me fall into some semi depression state. I miss everything back in Singapore. I dont usually miss home this much; especially when Australia has been my home for the past 15 years. But for some weird weird reason, I'm missing it so much for the first time. I miss my family back there, the friends, the food, the shopping and most importantly, the clubbing scene! Its so much different from the one here. After popping last night, and thinking I'd have one of the best nights of my life, I realise it didn't turn out that way I had assume it to be. Yes, I did have a lot of fun, and I had awesome friends to be there with me. But there was this something missing. And after thinking about it, I realised just how much I want to go back to Singapore right now. I would go back each holiday, and not being able to this holiday is affecting me quite a bit. And worse of all is, exams are just in 2 weeks time. Here I am, laying on the bed listening to music, blogging and playing some online mahjiong, instead of being at the library buried in those boring readers of mine. I do not have the mood to even study anymore. I'm missing Singapore so much that, that is all I'm thinking of right now. I know I need to study, and I know I should be right now, but there's no motivation and no determination in me anymore. Every exam period, my motivation was going back to Singapore after exams were done, therefore I knew it was something to be looking forward to. But this time round, I'm not going back, and yet, Shena's going to be gone. Which is another big blow to me. 3 whole months not being in Singapore, and 3 whole months without the person I can confide in and turn to the most. Its going to be hard. I know it will be. And I'm dreading it now. I'm dreading what it will be like after exams.

I miss this lil fella. love you lots lil nephew! (:

i wanna fly high with you.

2008-05-24T01:53:00.002+08:00

Net's all fucked up. Was playing Viwawa halfway and it got disconnected again. Something's wrong with our wireless. Computers are so complicated sometimes man. Why can't they just connect and stay connected. Urgh. Drives me mad at times. Especially when I'm enjoying my mahjiong games, and when I'm about to win. Haha. Viwawa is addicted. Dammit.

Anyways, its almost 2am now and I'm tired; but I can't sleep. Listening to some emo songs at the moment and just thinking of someone. Its weird how feelings are so unpredictable sometimes. Like they come and go whenever they wish. Just when you think meh, u're over it; it comes all over again- just like a rollercoaster! It goes up and down; turns up and down; all the time. Even when you're screaming and praying it'd stop, it doesn't. Quite f-up sometimes. How I wish it was easy to love someone; to let them know what you're thinking and how you're feeling. And if it was that easy to find someone who will love you just as much back. Its hard. Come to think of it, I'm almost 21, and still standing strong; even though I feel quite lonely sometimes. Its funny because you know what? All my best friends around me are attached. I'm the only one NOT. Its kinda depressing actually. Haha. Maybe like what Shena said is true- I'm the lucky star that brings love luck to people around me. But who's going to be my lucky star then? I dont want to grow old alone; all ugly and lonely; no one to love me. That's just damn fucking sad. Haha.

I want to go back to Singapore in July. But I can't! :(

stress and broke.

2008-05-21T22:04:00.003+08:00

First of all: HAPPY 20th BIRTHDAY CYNTHIA! (:

Been attempting to study for the past 2 hours after dinner. Nothing seems to be going in and exams are just in 2 weeks time! For the past 3 weeks, its been all about partying and going out with friends which meant late nights and no study. Which isn't a good sign, since exams are nearing and I am not even half way through studying a single unit yet. Super screwed; Yes I know. And it doesn't help that I'm failing a unit; which will be reconfirmed when I get back the second assignment (which I have no confidence of passing since I made up 50% of it- TOTAL BULLSHIT). So as you can see, this semester's grades aren't looking too flashy.

Work today wasn't too bad even though it was a little boring. It was kinda funny though, bitching with all the lao aunties and hearing them swear "oei cheebye". Lol. Oh wells, why complain when its all good money. Especially when I'm in such a financial crisis with so many debts piling up all over my head. It sucks to be broke! I hate it. Living on maggie noodles for the past few days is already driving me crazy! :( Say hello to more maggie noodles priscilla!

I want every single minute of you.

2008-05-20T23:03:00.003+08:00

Laying here on my bed and just can't stop thinking of a lot of things. Life is always changing; and its so weird how I keep thinking about how life is, and how it was, and how it may be in the future. Whilst in the past, all I think about is what I'd be doing tmr and on the weekend etc. I never used to care about what life really is because to me, it was just all about being happy. Anyhoo, I should shut up about 'what is life' etc from now on. The previous few blogs have been about it. And I'm sure people who do read my blog are kinda getting bored; not alone I am too.

Last night was really nice. Met up with a friend who flew in for a day and took him around the city, even though there wasn't much to be done on a monday night. Had some dinner, played some pool, chilled over coffee and then over to South Perth to talk. The night did kind of end early back at his hotel room but it was really nice to spend the night with him. He makes me laugh, he makes me smile, he makes me feel so comfortable around him. Yes, I used to like this boy; back then. But I guess, the feelings somehow rushed back last night cos he was right there in front of me. It sucks because I know I can't like him. I wont like him. But yet, deep down inside, I'm hoping to see him again real soon. I want every single minute of him. I do.

Alcoholic.

2008-05-18T16:02:00.004+08:00

I'm a true alcoholic. Haha. Got really wasted last night at metros. I was just really happy because my life seems to be falling back into place. I was relieved; really really relieved. I really enjoyed myself last night. Got really wasted but not enough to be kicked out; thankgod. Haha. Anyways, its times like this when I can smile and laugh at how silly I was the night before. Times when I'd get teased by friends who were there with me to make sure I was all good; and of course, having a good time. Clubbing isn't the best thing on earth; but it is one of the best times to just let your hair down and enjoy the company of your friends; and new friends (: Probably wont be clubbing anymore till exams are over; which means another 5 weeks! Gotta get back to my books and be bookworm (like shena; haha).

Just some pictures from metros (:

Fucking Headache.

2008-05-17T02:55:00.002+08:00

Fucking headache. Fucking painful. Urgh. Too much smokes or too little smokes? Too little.

Work wasn't too bad today. Haven't been working for a few weeks already and I guess I kinda do miss it quite a bit. Especially all the fun and company of those friends. They make work so much more enjoyable; much more exciting and less tiring. Its funny how these friends that I befriended from work is so understanding and caring. They never fail to make my day; appreciating me for who I am, and what I have to say. They never ever doubt me as a person, or even to question what I do and what I say. I miss this friend a lot- a friend who always listens to me. Guess we've been both busy with what we have to do and haven't had the time to really catch up. She's someone I can talk to and most certainly have fun with. I hope you're well darling! (:

Guess its really time we need to talk. The minute I went online today, you went off. I really wonder what our friendship is coming to. Is it coming to an end? Or is it gonna turn around and lead to a better chapter? I seriously think we need to take a step forward and both come out with what we have to say. I'm so sorry if I haven't been the best host; nor the best friend. But I have been working this whole week, and haven't had the time to literally talk to you. I dont know what this talk will do to us; but I think it will be for the better. To me, you will always be my one and only best friend. So I guess.. Whatever happens next, will really depend on what WE do; together.

Fuck. My head hurts. I'm gonna head to the sack now. Goodnight world.

it will all get better in time.

2008-05-14T23:36:00.002+08:00

Life has so much to it. Thought it was all about how you look at it. But it isn't. Because sometimes, the way you look at things, may not be how others look at it. There's so many worries, so many things that you need to be accountable for, so many things that you need to be aware of. In the past, I never had to worry, or to care; because it was perfect to me. I have a wonderful family, the bestest friends, an awesome working place, cruising through uni, and managing everything well. Nowadays, it all seems to be falling apart. So many things have changed; so many god damn changes. But then again, who am I to complain? When there are many others out there who probably lead a life that is much more worrying and depressing than mine right? But still.. A life which I have claimed to be perfect have seem to be taken away from me. A life which I want back.. but am trying so hard to grasp it back. I have been trying. I really have. But maybe, my priorities really have changed. What I once thought was important may not be as of that importance anymore. But that does not mean, they aren't important anymore. But just that, I've changed. People change all the time yes?
It will all get better in time; I hope.

Rollercoaster rides.

2008-05-13T15:26:00.003+08:00

Sometimes in life, we cry and fall. Yet we learn to pick ourselves up; smile; and continue with this long journey of countless ups and downs. However, these past few weeks have been one long scary rollercoaster ride. So many things have happened, some memorable ones, and some that should not have even existed. Things changed over these 3 weeks; and it somehow made me look at how life really is. I used to think, being happy was everything; that life was all about being happy. Once you're happy, you have said to gain everything possible to living; in my eyes. But, this has definitely changed my point of view. I no longer see life as just being happy; life has more to it. Family, friends, work, studies, money, emotions, priorities. Priorities; I so hate that word now. People all think I can't prioritise my time. People think all I do is have fun; play; live; laugh; and be happy. Yes, I am a happy person, and I like to be happy. But so much has changed, and it feels like I'm turning into some emo kid. I'm sick of being used; sick of being told off; sick of accomodating to everyone and everything; sick of being nice; and sometimes, i feel like I'm getting sick of being happy. Its kinda depressing. Someone who was so happy turning into some screwed up emo kid. I dont even know the reason why its been like this. This whole change in me. So much has happened; and it has made me realise a lot. A lot more complicated than what I always saw life as; sweet and simple. Maybe all along, I've been the one in the dark, foolishly thinking, happiness was everything.

Friends come and go. But each time, when I know they're about to go, I'd do everything and anything to make them stay. Friends are an essential part of life for me; their value is much more worthy than my very own. And I can never say No to anyone. Which is bad. Because even when I know I'm being used, I'd still let them use me. Which is yes, very very stupid of me. So much has happened; between my best friends, with my work friends, and even now, its all affecting my family too. It sucks so much, to feel this way. But what can I do? Urgh. I wanna just lock myself up in my room and never come out.

how did i fall in love with you?

2008-04-22T18:25:00.002+08:00

Remember when, we never needed each other
The best of friends like
Sister and BrotherWe understood,
we'd never be, Alone

Those days are gone, and I want you so much
The night is long and I need your touch
Don't know what to say
I never meant to feel this way

Don't want to be
Alone tonight

What can I do, to make you mine
Falling so hard so fast this time
What did I say, what did you do?
How did I fall in love with you?

I hear your voice
And I start to tremble
Brings back the child that, I resemble

I cannot pretend, that we can still be friends
Don't want to be,
Alone tonight

What can I do, to make you mine
Falling so hard so fast this time
What did I say, what did you do?
How did I fall in love with you?

Oh I want to say this right
And it has to be tonight
Just need you to know,
oh yeahI don't want to live this life
I don't want to say goodbye
With you I wanna spend
The rest of my life

What can I do, to make you mine
Falling so hard so fast this time
What did I say, what did you do?
How did I fall in love with you?
What can I do, to make you mine
Falling so hard so fast this time
Everything's changed, we never knew

How did I fall, in love, with you?

i've fallen in love with you.

2008-04-15T00:02:00.003+08:00

I've fallen in love with you. I wake up each morning thinking of you, and end each night missing you. My feelings have grown so strong over the past 6 months and is continuing with each passing day. Loving you is something so beautiful, something I hold close to my heart and smile at . Hold my hand cos you have nothing to fear now.
You on my heart like a tattoo.

goodbye?

2008-04-01T03:10:00.002+08:00

Guessing games- I HATE it. I hate having to think and assume; not knowing what the real thing is. I hate having to guess what is on your mind, what the answers are to my questions, what feelings to feel, and what is happening as each day passes by. I shouldn't assume yet it all seems to be going my way. Is it really though? Why do you pop out at my darkest point? Why do you always know when I'm sad and need some comforting? Why do you always say the sweetest words to melt my heart? Why is your smile always on my mind? Why are YOU the one? Why why why. There are so many questions, yet no firm answers. Is time what we need? What is on your mind- tell me and lead me along. There are always 2 sides of the picture and each message you send, each word you say; I have to analyze it in so much detail to guess what is happening. Do i look at it in the positive way and be happy? Or do i look at it in the negative way and be prepared for the worse? I need answers, I need directions. I'm tired yet I'm afraid to let go. I wanna hang around and figure you out yet I dont know if I should. What does this all mean to you? One minute you say this, and next you say another. Are you confused? Or are you afraid?

hello again.

2008-03-26T14:00:00.002+08:00

its been yonks since i've updated my blog. well HELLO world again, im back (:
the past few weeks have been pretty full on with work, uni and parties! Uni's been going for 5 weeks and finally we have our 2 weeks break (: Jealous much people out there? Especially those at UWA! Haha. Its time for me to catch up on all my work and get my assignments done. 1 down and 2 more to go; such a torturee. Urgh. Work's been good, gotta start saving up for my end of year trip back to Singapore & to LA & JAPAN! Dont even know if I'll be back in June for my precious baby reyes 1st birthday :(

Planned a surprised for his birthday at 12 midnight last night; went to his place and gave him the card and the yummy chocolate cake. I can't get that image of him out of my head, the smile he carried as I came out of the car with the cake; the laughter we shared (:
Whatever the future may hold, I'm glad I captured the prettiest sunrise with you- a memory I will cherish and hold close to my heart.

house parties.

2008-03-10T00:04:00.002+08:00

Just got home from danielle's house party. Expected a bunch of CC people to show up; but when i got there, there were barely 10 of us. It kinda felt really weird being around other people you dont even know; especially when you're not drunk and being over friendly. Haha. Party was supposed to start at 7 but i didn't rock up till 9.30 and that's when he left. The party wasn't all that great; hoping I would actually get smashed and have a good time. Guess the crowd just didn't do it for me.

Now you know I like you. Could you love me the way I love you?

another week.

2008-03-03T17:23:00.002+08:00

another week have passed; how time sure flies uh.
let's see what i have done this week:
- watched the movie 'Definately, Maybe' with Shena & Vernessa and it was greatt (:
- worked on thursday night and it was alright; except for the shit manager which i absolutely HATE; he thinks we're stupid when he's pretty much the dumb one.
- went on my first day of prac on friday, and it wasn't too bad. Not really looking forward to this friday when i have to go again; and teach a syllabus lesson.
- went for dinner at AuntMay's house on friday night before heading to SouthPerth to chill and drink with Shena & Vernessa; went to the Casino after that and played Keno for a bit- and won $30! Haha. Had Fast Eddy's for supper- my yummy beef lasagna. Slept over at Shena's cos was too lazy to drive back home (:
- had yummy Dome's Lot burger for lunch with the babes; worked again on saturday night; and with the same dicky manager. urgh.
- went out for dinner (The Punjab Indian Restaurant) on sunday with family & family friends before heading to RubyRoom which we ended up leaving soon after seeing the magnormous long line. Went back to Shena's place to play a lil bit of mahjiong and had a few drinks; before heading home to start on my assignment (which i've completed -grins).

Was supposed to go on an excursion today with one of our classes; but did not in the end cos i overslept. Not surprising right? Nikita's car broke down so Brenda didn't end up going either. Ooh wells, its not like the first time when all 3 of us wouldn't show up (: This is only the first- this year. Haha. Well at least I managed to fully finish my assignment that's due this friday. I'm so proud of myself- its finished so early! (: Might be heading out for bubble tea after dinner with Shena and Vernessa. Yum.

I want to be in love again; I want to be loved again.
Could you be the one I'm looking for?
The one that could sweep me off my feet again?
The one that would never make me cry?
These awful mixed feelings.....

what are friends?

2008-02-27T22:26:00.003+08:00

We make new friends everyday and they are there to be kept and cherished. I met a friend this week, someone whom I have managed to click really well with, and have enjoyed her company very much (: I'm glad I have so many friends that I can look up to and count on at the very end of the day. However, there are still some friends out there who I keep, but know that sometimes, they do take me for granted. The things that they do, and the things that they say, sometimes really hurt me; but yet, i still manage to tolerate and pretend that it is all good; pretend that whatever they have done is not wrong- but indeedly it is. It hurts to be too nice sometimes.

Good night world, xox.

back to uni

2008-02-19T21:21:00.003+08:00

This week marked the beginning of uni again, my 3rd year at Murdoch. I was kind of looking forward to it over the weekend, missing the days I would rush my assignment, or last minute cramming for mid year exams etc. But after the first day, I'm back to the old me, dreading uni life. lol. This year seems quite full on, real stressful, and a load of work to be done. Even though I only have 3 units, which is pretty normal, the units are so intense! I also have my prac which I will be starting next monday, along with assignments where I have to interview students from pre-primary and primary schools and write a report on how they count numbers. We even have to study how they count and learn maths differently to all the other students around them. It may sound easy but its darn hard, and if you could see my expression now, you'd see just how unkeen i am about doing this. What's worse is every week I have to do like 100 pages of readings on top of all the shit we get at lectures and workshops :/ I just hate school sometimes.

Went out for our yummy KimChee last night in the city. Been craving for my korean since I was in Singapore, and now that I'm back here, I'm craving for some BaGua! Unfortunately, we dont have them here in Perth, so if there's any kind souls out there who is reading this, please ship some BaGua for me pleaseeeeeee :)

Thankfully uni doesn't start till 1230 for me tomorrow- yay! so i can sleep in and save money and have me lunch at home. Lol. Yummy Korean Spicy Noodles (: Then off to the gym after our tute. Hopefully I will continue to visit the gym and not waste my money by paying 60$ each month and not fully utilising it; like what i have been doing for like the past 7months? If i went for those 7 months, i would definately have slimmed down A LOT. Haha. Oh wells.

Alrighty, I'm off to my comfy beddy.
Goodnight world,
XOXOXO :)

2008

2008-02-16T13:16:00.007+08:00

2008- this year started off great (:
having met great, true friends at work;
went back to singapore to visit all my darlings & family;
went clubbing with mates & enjoyed myself to the max- great music, great crowd, and most importantly, great drinks that landed myself quite wasted;
went to bangkok with marilyn, angie & eis- it was greeaattt;
went to hongkong with marilyn & ben- and it was even more greaattter;
spent chinese new year back in perth (shithole) with baby reyes & godfamily;
and is looking forward to my trip back to singapore (again) in june & LA, LasVegas and Japan trip in late december/jan! :D
The only bad thing this year so far is that i've landed myself in debts. lol. I have my credit card to pay off and not forgetting the money i've loaned from my family. It sucks to be broke again. Really need to start working my butt off again at work, and save! I really need to learn to save, and not splurge on every single thing i see (which is pretty much everything).

Now, am back in perth again. Am not looking forward to going back to uni or work this week. Guess i'm still in my holiday mood, being a total lazy fat bum. Have been staying home for the past 4 days, occasionally just popping out for a coffee or lunch with some friends, and heading home straight after. Really cant be bothered doing anything, and just want to come home and snuggle myself under my covers or sit myself infront of this laptop and play some online mahjiong. What a boring life i'm living hey- its sad. Its a saturday today- and here i am, infront of my laptop blogging and playing my viwawa online mahjiong. Was planning to do some suntanning in my backyard, running on my treadmill, playing some Wii and to Hannah's birthday party tonight; but somehow i just can't seem to get my butt off this chair.

Well here are the photos from my awesome trip. Enjoy :)
Bangkok:

Hongkong:

zouk.

2008-01-27T16:29:00.000+08:00

zouk last night was the best (:
got really tipsy and had the best night this trip!
thanks to all of you for making the night so fruitful and enjoyable!
free flow of drinks for the first half of the night and i really made full use of it! lol.
its sad that im leaving so soon again.
will see you all in another 6 months :(
the way you hold me;
makes me want you even more and more.
xoxo.

singapore 08

2008-01-24T19:21:00.000+08:00

singapore's been awesome! :)
been having the time of my life- catching up with mates, clubbing, shopping and eating.
bangkok was just as good; but ended up with a few misunderstandings.
overall, im enjoying myself to the max :)
am not looking forward to go back to perth- the shit hole. lol.
the only thing im looking forward now is our hongkong trip nxt wed :)
more shopping and eating!

zouk last night was great :)
meet up with jester & glen.
it was an awesome night :)
you make me want you.

7more days!

2008-01-02T01:19:00.000+08:00

7 MORE DAYS TILL SINGAPORE (:
i am so so so so so fucking excited!
i cannot wait to leave this place and land in the place where fun never seems to stop.
all the clubbing, shopping and eating!
cannot wait to meet up with darlings & family.
7 more days! :)
wait for me peoplesssss! xoxo.

its over between you and me.
it started and it stopped.
never am i ever gonna turn back to you anymore.
thanks for everything; but its goodbye for you and me :)

fading slowly.

2007-12-19T00:56:00.000+08:00

3 more weeks till i land back in spore! (:
am so damn excited;
need a break from this boring place. lol.
can't wait for all the shopping & gossiping with my 3 lil darlings.
wait for me to party with you babes again (: xoxo.

another guy asked me out last night.. lol.
and he was leaving in 2 days.
why do all these guys tell me they want me to be their gf just a few days before they leave perth, and not see me for the nxt month or 2? lol.
its pointless to start anything right..?

its been almost 2 weeks i'd say;
and it gets easier each second.
the thought of you is never lingering in my mind anymore.
i guess i have finally let go of you.. let go of what we once had.
maybe it started all too fast to begin with, and thus, it should end like this.
i wont deny that you meant a lot to me, and that time with you was happy.
but maybe being the way we were before all this is better for you and me (:

29 days to spore (:

2007-12-11T17:29:00.001+08:00

29 more days to singapore :)
so damn excited;
can't wait to see my sweethearts once again.
and of course my lovely family & precious nephew! :)
it'd be one month full of fun, laughter, excitement & love.
and not forgetting, all the shopping & eating in bangkok & hongkong!
=D

this other guy confessed to me the night before.
it was just weird, cos i never ever imagined he would do so.
never did it ever cross my mind that he would actually even like me.
his words were so sweet; sweeter than honey.
one that could melt any girl's heart; but i knew it was all true;
things he meant from his heart.
i don't wanna lead him on, nor start anything at this point of time;
cos he'll be leaving back to indo nxt week, and me, back to my hometown.
even if it was the right person, it was definately the wrong time.
the wrong time to start anything..
we'll see how it goes 2 months later when he's back, and when im back.
if its still possible, it will be possible i guess :)

it was really nice to be able to hold you close once again last night.
when you held me close, there was this thing i could feel so strongly;
it was as if, the feelings were still so strong within us.
something we still wanted but could not have at this point of time...

ease.

2007-12-08T02:54:00.000+08:00

its been almost a week from not talking to you;
not seeing you; not having any contact with you.
it seems to be getting a lot easier for me.
the feeling's still kinda there.. but easing off quite a bit.
your absence is no longer a torture for me.
im glad i've gotten stronger..
because i know that i have to let go;
and that there is no more turning back for the both of us.
i feel as if a load have been taken off my back.
and im sure you feel the same way :)

:)

2007-12-06T03:20:00.000+08:00

just got home from work.
did our very own burswood staff xmas dinner.
chad, morgan, el, hannah & daniel were looking stunning :)
thank god we didn't have to do a full reset for tmr lunch.
left it for the mep ppl to do all the work :)

gotta start saving up for my holiday!
spent heaps during my birthday.
and what's even gay-er now is that i have to pay for my phone bill that went up to 900$ last month! fuck :(
went over my phone cap and have to pay additional 600$ now.
from all the calling & messages i sent him...
its only been one week since the new month cap started; and im already over it.
can you believe in one week, i've already spent 300$++?
i should really start cutting down.. besides i wouldn't have to call him or sms him anymore..

i still miss you; somehow.
even though i keep telling myself i should let go..
and give you time and myself somemore time.
i wish i could tell you how i still feel deep down inside.
but i know i can't, or more like i shouldn't.
i have to let go, and i will. for you and for myself.
it will be better for the both of us.
and like what you said, what everyone has said; if we are meant to be, we will when the time is right; especially if the feelings still there :)

this song is dedicated to you :)

staying strong.

2007-12-05T01:43:00.000+08:00

its been ages since i last blogged.
been busy working and partying (:
spent my 20th birthday with a bunch of awesome buddies.
had dinner at sorrentos then metros; and ruby on sunday (:
thanks guys for making everything so well that night.
love you all to bits (: xoxoxoxoxo.

that special someone has walked out on me;
the one that i could see walking thru this long road with me.
it started off rocky, and someone he pulled me through to see something so special.
but once it was starting to be all good, he has decided to let go.
he has decided to end this special thing we had..
it hurts to see him walk away; to say goodbye.
he wants me to let go too; but its not that easy.
im not him, i cant just walk away on something that i can see turning out so fine.
i did stupid things to try to end my pain- drink driving; cutting myself.
but guess, the pain doesn't just erase like that ):
deep down inside, i know he still wants this. but he can't at this point of time.
he's afraid he'd hurt me more in the future; but thats the future.
we don't know what the future may bring, why not just cherish the present?
i guess, all i can do now is just give him time.. to sort out what he wants, and what he needs.
and time to heal all the pain inside.. time for me to prove to him that i can pull him through like how he did for me- if only he'd let me.
i never thought i'd like him so much, want this so much.
guess we just never realise these kinda things until we lose it.
i wanna let go too; and just forget about the pain; just to look back and smile.
but somehow its still so hard. somehow i just wish i could smile now and continue smiling....
thanks to everyone that has pulled me through these few days.
i wouldn't be able to be myself back if it weren't for you guys- you know who you are (:

pictures from the past few weeks/months that i haven't uploaded. lol (:
elaine's bday (:

metros/ruby (:

my 20th bday (:

its official :)

2007-11-13T06:35:00.000+08:00

just got home from a 13hr shift work.
so god damn tired; physically.
i hate it how we have to reset so much shit, when the morning people can do it themselves.
we have to do all this shit for them while they can just sit around the table having 10min every freaking hour, drinking coffee and folding napkins.
its fucking getting on all the night shift ppl's nerves.
we're working our arses off, and yet, still need to get stuff ready for them when they have so much time to do it themselves.
grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
i guess work was alright; cos of the ppl i worked with :)

its official now; me and you :)
i decided to give this a chance; for you, and for us.
i can't explain how much you mean to me;
well how much you care about me baby.
through this time when i was confused, you never let go or shun away once.
you were there all the while, holding my hand, and giving me the support i needed; the assurance that everything would be fine.
and i know it will be; a r/s i can see going on real great :)
thanks for everything; and most importantly, thanks for loving me, and believing in me :)
love you baby! xoxo.

to my special brother;
i hope you're feeling better, and holding on strong.
it is really sad we all know; but life still have to go on.
think of it in a positive way; at least she once loved you. and you were able to make a difference in her life for the past 7 years.
everything happens for a reason; and we just gotta accept it really.
till this point, there is basically nothing you can do.
she has already decided what she wants, and this is what it's going to be like.
be strong and don't let it get to you too much.
the sun will shine your way again.
please take good care of yourself cos there is alot of ppl out there who do love you, appreciate you and think you are worthy.
be strong. i love you bro :)

me= shallow bitch.

2007-11-07T11:59:00.000+08:00

im sorry about last night baby.
the things i said; the hurt i gave.
we are meant to be together right?
we get along so god damn fine.
who gives a fuck about what people say anymore.
its just you and me; the way it was meant to be.
i know i want you, and i know you want me too.
that's enough for us to pull through this together.
yes?

confused.

2007-11-07T01:21:00.000+08:00

im HUNGRY. lol.

what do i do?
i do like you..
but i just can't seem to overcome the issues to fully be with you.
i know its dumb,
but somehow i just.
tell me; lead me to the right answer.

busy me.

2007-10-14T22:18:00.000+08:00

the past 3 weeks has been really great;
totally enjoying myself with the company of my awesome mates.
even though work has been getting the better outta me;
somehow i still managed to find time for them;
for me to let go and just forget about everything & have a good time :)
which basically leaves me stressing for my uni work now.
aboriginal studies- review of key ideas;
health & physical education and arts reflective journal;
group advocacy knowledge presentation on drama;
& exams on the 21st of nov.
stressing me out so much i think im gonna break down soon;
which i can not blame anyone but myself for this shit im in. lol.
this week is going to be way worse;
working everyday except wed which is already packed- uni, grp meeting, surprise party & then picking parents up from the airport. grrr.
im going to be DEAD beat next week. work sleep work sleep uni work sleep work sleep work.
i guess its good in a way- keeps me occupied & refrains me from spending any more money which is causing a major hole in my pocket. lol.

currently at shena's;
am really hoping i'd get some work done tonight.
even though i should really sleep early since i have a 6AM shift tmr.
i need to study; i need motivation! grrrr.

you confessed to me today;
i don't know what to say;
cos i dun even know if i feel the say way.

love kills.

2007-10-09T15:54:00.001+08:00

it happened once again;
things that seem to be going right for the both of you, went down the drain again.
its really sad to see you both going thru this- especially from the guys point of view.
you've done so much you can, and have given out almost everything that you have.
but the girl, is expecting much more, something that is kinda out of your reach.
i mean, yes, the girl may be right at times. but that doesn't mean that, she should expect anything more than what you have given her all these 7 years.
the effort and love you've given in, the time and money you've spent, the memories that lies deep within your hearts, can it just be forgotten? can it be easily shun away just by saying you're sick of it all and that you want a break-up?
seriously, why do people have to put up with all this shit?
the torture, the pain, the misery, the thought that the person you love so dearly is letting you go..
love kills people.

expectations drives you insane.

2007-10-09T12:58:00.000+08:00

expectations drives you insane.

let's just pretend.

2007-10-08T20:03:00.000+08:00

so much to do; yet so little time.
work's been getting the better out of me.
i mean its fun, but leaves me tired when it comes down to studying.
there's so much catching up to do. yet i cbf.
i seriously need to get some studying done! urgh.

♥ let's just pretend.

asia cocktail '07.

2007-10-08T00:39:00.000+08:00

asia cocktail was awesome! (:

shena, hannah, jon & i had predrinks at my place.
though it wasn't much, it was just nice chilling & chatting with them.

we then went over to metros real early; arnd 10ish. and had a few free drinks first before heading up to the smoking area.

soon, everyone started to show up and it was really great seeing those people i haven't seen for in a while! (:
the music was great, surprisingly! and i enjoyed myself dancing the night away, with the heavy influence of alcohol. lol. i was pretty tipsy and i know i was pretty funny girls. haha. everyone was like, you're so fucked up priscilla. but hey, no yaking at all. lol.

it was a great night i must say! (:

had work yesterday night and was suppose to head to ruby after that.

ended up, went to nb for a walk and headed back to my place with elaine.

just sat in the backyard drinking and talking till almost 6 in the morning. lol. elaine & i were totally bitching about all the people at work- well some. some really bitchy ones. some that think too highly of themselves which literally makes us feel sick.

♥

i dont want to know what is going on;

i dont want to feel this way again.

love?

2007-10-04T23:54:00.000+08:00

he told me he liked me;
he told me he wants me;
he told me he'd show me how serious he is about me if only i said yes.
but i dunno what i should do;
i mean i like him & all;
but i dunno if i should.
maybe i should just let it go slow & get to know him much better first.
you made me tingle with those sweet words of yours :)

:)

2007-09-30T20:51:00.000+08:00

went out to dinner with shena & mannie :)
sorrentos was good; and we had white wine with our yummy food.
made shena finish almost three quarters of the bottle cos i was gonna drive. haha. she turned so red and seemed a lil high. lol.

you kinda made me tingle all over last night;
when you pecked me on the cheek twice, hugged me so many times, and even held my hands. hahahaha.
i mean you're a really nice guy; a real sweetie.
but guess it'll take time to get to know each other better hey :)

camwhoring before going out again. lols.

home alone :(

2007-09-27T21:21:00.000+08:00

its dark & quiet;
and at this kinda times, you just wish there was someone beside you;
someone to hold you and keep you safe & warm.
someone to hug and cuddle in.
but you're so far away; out of my reach.
come to me wont you baby..

skipped uni AGAIN.

2007-09-26T10:36:00.000+08:00

didn't end up going to uni today again.

just couldn't be bothered. lol.

dunno what happened to me this semester;

super super super super super slack.

assignments are done last minute;

don't do any of my weekly readings which amt up to 100pages *pulls faces*;

and stupid weekly reflections go undone each week which means i wont remember what happened 6 weeks ago -.- urgh.

parents are leaving tonight.

gonna be by myself for the next 3 weeks.

sounds good doesnt it :)

the freedom; late nights; partying till the sun goes down; having a blast.

but who's gonna wash my clothes, and cook for me ): haha.

camwhoring (:

what is love?

2007-09-25T16:16:00.000+08:00

what is love?
why do everything just seem so sweet at the beginning;
and turn all sour at the end.
why do one start comparing when they've had enough;
start making it miserable for the one who's been trying all these while.
it hurts to see the person they love leave;
to know that no matter what they do, they'd nv be back in their arms again.
why do all good things come to an end?

to see you guys hurt;
to know that love caused you so much pain & misery.
makes me wonder if i should fall back into love ever again.

lazy bum.

2007-09-24T13:46:00.000+08:00

slept at 930 last night;
and only woke up an hour ago;
which literally means i've slept for 16hrs.
shocking uh. lol.
and i was even too lazy to cook anything for lunch;
instead turned on the hot water and had 2min cup noodles.
really wonder what will happen to me when mum&dad's gone for the next 3 weeks.
either starve or grow fat from all the take-outs. haha.
where's my prince charming; someone to look after me & cook for me :D
stop dreaming priscilla.

stupid aboriginal review of key ideas due today.
but guess what, haven't finished- which isn't too surprising. lol.
shall hand it up during tute on thursday i guess. IF i can finish it by then :)
amanda's coming from melb today with my KK! yummyy.
gonna go pick shena up soonish and then off to the airport :)

i want to fall back into love again;

tingles.

2007-09-23T04:05:00.000+08:00

just got back from work and im so god damn tired.
it was a pretty good night; with the music basically keeping me alive.
all those drunk ppl, drinking & drinking & drinking.
wished i was out partying as hard as they were too. damn.
hopefully next sat- godskitchen :)

there's two; both nice; & somehow i tingle when i see them.
can never resist their smiles; nor to smile back.
and your hugs today; mmmm :) lol.
i hate it when im in such a position.
am i doing this outta loneliness?
or are these just one of my many eye candies?

heading off to bed now.
dinner with parents tmr night- my treat! :)
nighty nights. xoxo.

sweetie's trip :)

2007-09-18T15:06:00.000+08:00

sweetie's gone back.
it was a well spent month with you (:
hope you had a blast- like how i did.
can't wait for more fun when im back in sg again.
more shopping, more food, more checking out guys and most importantly, more of the clubs i miss so much here in perth. haha (:
pictures :)

work has been all good so far.
met lots of new friends; and learnt new stuff.
kinda tiring though- just gotta endure for all that well paid money. haha.
i need to save it all up for my trip to taiwan & hk! lalalala (:
can't wait can't wait.
body is aching all over; feels like my hands and legs are about to break.
lucky they called up today to cancel my shift! :D
get to rest till friday & sat before work again.

assignments again. urgh.
i hate it. save me from this misery someone ):

feeling lost.

2007-09-09T17:43:00.000+08:00

im tired.
seems like i have so much to do;
yet so little time.
and its stressing me out real bad :/
missed alot of uni lately; and thus, assignments & shit is building up soo god damn quickly.
all the stupid reflections & journal writing is driving me nuts.
just finished the crappy aboriginal review last week, and now i've got another one up my sleeves. urgh. worst thing is that its so boring!
stress is piling up; and im going crazy with it all & work now.
but the money is so damn good. endure endure! (:

marilyn's coming back in another 2 days time.
im hoping her last 5 days here will be nicely spent.
thinking of nice places to take her to eat. lol.
after she's gone, its gonna be work work work & uni uni uni for me.
saving up for our trip at the end of the year to taiwan & hk! (:
can't wait can't wait can't wait.
hopefully angie will come along with us too! - charlies angels reunite. lol.
after getting job, am thinking of delaying my trip back.
its all because of the nice pay they're giving man :D
when i work more, then i can spend more which means i'd enjoy more!
thinking of delaying it till mid jan :/
or shall i go back for chrissie? -shrugs.
gotta decide soon then can book ticket if not cheap flights will all be gone as its the peak period.

alrighty, gotta get back to some aboriginal readings now.
have work tmr at oneworld- zzz. haha.
*waves.

work.

2007-09-08T18:12:00.001+08:00

first shift and it wasn't too bad (:
met a lot of new friends; and did a lot of set up today.
basically the whole day was all about setting tables up, arranging the cutlery, polishing wine glasses, folding napkins and dressing the chairs up with nice covers.
next shift wont be till next wed so gonna be good for a rest and some fun when marilyn's back.
luckily im only on for wed, sun and monday- which means we can go metros on sat for the last time before sweetie heads back (:
im so so tired. sent shena off to the airport for melbourne at 4. thankfully mum drove so managed to get some sleep; and another hr when i got back before pulling myself outta bed for work at 9.30am. zzz.
gonna head to bed real early tonight. feeling so weak ):

managed to do some catching up this week.
trying to do the stupid reflection thingy now- such a drag.
urghhh. uni sucks sometimes.
thinking of deffering, but if i did, i'd prob end up not wanting to study anymore.
perservere priscilla! :/

other than this new exciting yet tiring new job;
nothing else has been that great i guess.
shall update more when i do have something interesting to say. lol.
tata for nowwwwww (:

orientation.

2007-09-04T17:36:00.000+08:00

man, im so so so so so so so tired.
got back from orientation not too long ago.
been busy and worn out the past 2 days cos of orientation.
8-4pm; listening to speeches and tours around the complex.
good thing is we get paid (: full price too; yay!
met lots of new friends which is even better.
i have a feeling, working at burswood will be great fun (:

going out for dinner at shena's place inawhile.
then probably coffee and chill with that babe.
haven't had a good chat with her in ages.
and bummer is, she's going to melbourne for a few days on friday.
lucky bitch. haha.
got a full day at work tmr, 11-3; 5-9.30pm.
i am so so so tired :/ dun even feel like working tmr.
but damn, i seriously need the money aye. haha.
im even thinking of not going back to singapore at the end of the year.
in quite a dilemma now :/
shall i go back or not? back for the fun; or stay to work more for the money?
or do both, and only go back for chrissie or sumthing? urgh.

alrighty, gonna take a nap before heading out- yawns.
tata for now (:

lesson learnt.

2007-08-31T01:39:00.000+08:00

headed to uni to hand up my aboriginal assignment today before heading to maccas for lunch.
needed to be at burswood for my uniform fitting today so got there a lil early to have a few rounds of keno first. haha.
marilyn stayed while i went to get my uniform. the uniform is kinda gay. lol.
anyways, original plan was to head to caro for night shopping.
but as you guessed, casino was too irresistable; and yes we stayed to continue losing our money. hahahaha.
thankfully i didn't lose too much by hitting the 800 points and winning the money i lost.
however, sad to say, in the end, i still lost 60$. haha.

the most hiliarious thing is, she almost forgot her flight :\
she thought it was tmr midnight; never did she realise 31 Aug 12.55am flight was today.
so we rushed back to pack and the look on her face just made me worried so much.
thankfully, she was already half-packed and kinda ready to go (:
have fun in sydney dear, and we'd have heaps of fun the last 5 days! (:

finally finished my critical incident assignment for tmr.
i hope it makes sense with all the bullshit i managed to elaborate (:
copying aboriginal lecture notes now.
kinda falling back behind- too slack and still in my holiday mood.
hopefully my non-teaching break nxt week will allow me to catch up (:
orientation starts on mon & tues.
pray i'd start work soon- i neeed the moneyyyy. lol.

that's all for now- nighty nights :)

urgh. assignments.

2007-08-29T03:19:00.001+08:00

yawns. just finished my aboriginal studies assignment.
like finally; after starting about a week ago. urgh.
so much reading and so much summarising to do.
thankgod its all done now.
now, or rather tmr morning, gotta start on the critical incident for primary curriculum due on friday ):
almost forgot about it till yesterday, and worse of all is that its worth 30%! zomg. lol.

the girl here is crazy. lol.
each day gets more crazy; especially when she eats a timtam early in the morning.
oh, went to casino today. lost all our money before heading home. HAHA.
luckily money will be in tmr! yay!
oh, and i got the job at burswood! double yay ((:
the pay is damn good, and i sure hope i'd get heaps of hours and then i'd be rich! lalala (:

anyways, im gonna head to the sack now. its 3.30am :\
not going to uni tmr. haha. can't be bothered.
hopefully i'd get the critical assignment shit done.
1000words of bullshit would hopefully see me through.
then dinner, bubble tea and casino again (:

horoscope is so true! lol

2007-08-28T00:57:00.000+08:00

stressing over my aboriginal studies assignment ):
due on thursday; and another critical response essay on friday.
everything seems to be piling up;
and me, having so much fun and having a cant-be-bothered attitude just makes it all worse.
i need more time. more time to focus and get this done before all the fun continues.
save me from this misery someone.
i really really can't be bothered ):

Horoscope for Sagittarius 28th August 2007:
It might be hard to get revved up at the beginning of your day -- and your energy will be extremely unpredictable all day long. In order to stay as focused as possible, you need to make the most of your energy while you still have it. The emphasis should be on acting fast and staying flexible. If you find yourself slowing down, communicate what you are feeling to the people around you -- that way, you will be able to avoid any potentially conflict-causing confusion.
im glad we talked. not so much confusion;
just the fact of not falling even more deeper when its quite evident.
friends we are; our cup of tea will come one day (:

lalalalalaaa.

2007-08-27T01:26:00.000+08:00

went to freo and then famosa with sweetie after work.
met up with jon too and had a few good laughs (:
oh and saw a cute guy. lol.
been a pretty busy week; having heaps of fun of course.
picture says it all uh (:

(:

2007-08-25T16:43:00.000+08:00

took sweetie for a cruise last night- her belated bday gift.
'city of lights' dinner on captain cook's cruise (:
it wasn't too bad, and the ambience was good.
it was a lil too long and we started to get a lil bored cos everyone was just getting chatty with their friends and partners and we were just busy camwhoring and fagging outside. lol.
overall, great for a nice quiet sceneric dinner (:
wonder if my future bf would take me on too. hahaha.

went to mambo straight after that.
'mambo night- back to school'.
it was alright at the start; but our high-ness sorta ran out pretty fast and soon we were all complaining. haha. we miss our clubs back in spore- especially zouk and the 2 other babes, angie & eis! (:
wait for me to be back to club once again uh! xoxo.
oh, and it was GREAT to see shaun and caroline again last night (:
after soooooo many years! (:

had work today. and now damn tired.
dilemma btwn if i shud sleep before going out, or actually do some of the stupid boring aboriginal studies assignment which is supposed to be dued on monday.
but i just can't be stuffed doing any work.
im still in the 'holiday mood' and still wanna have fun (:
urgh. its kinda driving me nuts cos the last min panic is kicking in, yet i can't be stuffed cos im too tired and i can't think. lol.

i miss you- miss the chats we had.
would you let me into your world?

fuck you bitch.

2007-08-23T01:31:00.001+08:00

haha. you are hilarious.
go on, tell everyone what i have done.
and see if they'd think you're right for prying on people's personal life.
and see if they'd think its right to force an answer out of someone when they DO NOT feel comfortable in saying it out- people have their own reasons for not saying stuff out and is that wrong? am i suppose to be at fault for feeling i've just been humilated?
if they say yes, then fine i have no more say to this.
but if they say likewise, then maybe you should feel abit more guilty.
come on, its not like i didn't try to make it better.
i fucking sms you to offer if you needed a lift- and dun everyone know basic courtesy just to send a short sms to say no thankyou? or is that 25c so precious to you that you can't be fucked on spending it on someone like me?
hey, im sick of it too okay.
its not like i didn't include you in. but sometimes ask yourself, do you even listen to the topics and things i have to say?
whenever you're at my place, when i talk about a certain him, all you ever say is, "aiya, go to sleep la, talk so much for what?!" - is that how you show ppl that you're interested?
how bout the time when you and al had a misunderstanding with the family- was i not there to listen and support you? -oh maybe no, because i express it out a DIFFERENT way uh?
i mean wtf man. i didn't even blame you nor get pissed at you- and now you're getting all pissy at me for not doing anything?
maybe you should just go around and spread rumors about me if you want.
if this is how YOU work and express it uh.
go on, im sick of it all. its not like you never knew how important you are to me.
maybe you dont care anymore.
and maybe its time i dont give a fuck either.

over.

2007-08-22T16:22:00.000+08:00

its over- you said it this time.
so whats ahead, take care mate.
maybe you are better off without me uh.
after all, whatever you do- i dun appreciate it.
that's what you think.
anyways im fucking sick of it all.
im not in the fault but im fucking getting blamed for it.
and there you are, people out there, thinking what the fuck i've done to you.
have they ever put their position in mine and thought about what you have done to me?
no- fuck it, fuck this shit.
im fucking over it too.

happy birthday sweets!

2007-08-22T03:25:00.000+08:00

happy birthday sweet, wanzhen & marcus! (:
may you all enjoy and have a good & memorable one!
im sure sweets will- cos im here. haha.
anyways, just got back from the casino- lost quite abit but ended up still wining $20.
pretty good uh. haha lol.
urgh. i've got uni tmr at 830. and its already 330am now.
probably look like a zombie tmr morning. lol.
and worse of all is- i have arts tmr. which means more interactive activities :/

oh, just applied for burswood yesterday;
and recieved an email today!
they've invited me for the group interview on thursday- so pls pray for me that i'd get accepted! (: i seriously need this job. haha.

just read your blog; it really wont work out this time?
so we should stop trying?
yeah, maybe; because i know you have given up.

its sweetie's bday tmr so.. more fun tmr!
gonna have to turn in now. zzzz.
shall upload pictures real soon! xoxo.

how have you been lately mr?
somehow i miss talking to you :/
hope everything's been going on fine for you- especially your exams. jiayou! (:

sweetie's arrival (:

2007-08-20T22:39:00.000+08:00

my sweetie arrived today- yay (:
picked her up from the airport before coming back to rest & unpack.
went out for dinner at hk bbq with her, jon & ling.
had bubble tea and chatted awhile at utopia too.
it was a good quiet first day.
shall have more fun tmr when she has replenished on her sleep & energy (:
shopping, food and casino ((:

insecurity; fear; intimidation.
do i make you feel this way?
if i did, im sorry.
im not even angry at you, so when you've cooled down- im here (:

im kinda letting it lose; letting it run by itself.
it seems like im rushing into things. am i? am i really? -shrugs.
anyways, good luck! (:

speeding down a dark narrow road;

2007-08-20T00:12:00.000+08:00

worked today- double shifts.
wasn't too busy so had time to start my assignment (:
back home now, still stuck on the 5th question.
planning to finish as many as i can before sweetie's arrival tmr!
poor thing- called and was so sick.
better replenish it with your sleep tonight so we can party hard when you're here (:

i tried again.
tried to make the situation ease; make it not as awkward.
but guess sometimes it'd heal by itself uh.
i've tried time and time again that sometimes i really wonder whats the point- especially when you yourself isn't trying- shrugs.
i mean, you're doing this to get to know me better?
instead, its making me wonder how much you value me.
how much you respect me and you in terms of our friendship.
it isn't about him; and i am not the least bit angry.
neither am i saying you're a lousy friend who doesn't respect me.
all im saying is its weird. thats all.
i didn't even blame you for it :/
maybe we do need a delete button in life.
to delete our mistakes, to wipe out certain episodes we do not wish to remember.
but can we ever delete each other from our hearts?

my mind is thinking further than i am suppose to.
im thinking of things for the conclusion when im stuck here in the introduction.
the things that i say and feel is wrong- wrong at this point of time.
i hope i didn't scare you away by confiding and confessing :/
speeding down a dark narrow road with one headlight-

what did you do..?

2007-08-18T19:02:00.000+08:00

values; respect; space; freedom to voice & express.
things friends should hold up to.
im not saying you dont have any for me;
just that, why did you do what you did?
its no longer about him;
nor about me being angry- when im not.
its about, the trust and the mutual respect we have for one another.
i didn't tell you because i had my reasons.
but i didn't expect you to do it- when there was no connection at all.
i would say it in time to come.
it takes time.
im lost now; lost at what our friendship hold.
you're trying; but im not leaving you out.
its just; sometimes, i find it hard to communicate with you- especially when it comes to topics like this; and you know it yourself too.
anyways, im NOT angry.
in a way, im just taken aback; shocked and speechless.

jon's party was good at crown karoke (:
someone got really wasted and punched the mirror & bled terribly- eeks.
hung around for bubble tea before heading home with shena & hannah for more late night girl gossips (: thanks babes.
had work today & tmr too- double shifts ):
can't wait till monday; sweetie's arrival! lalalalala~
gonna finish half my assignment before she comes; hopefully by tonight. lol.

do you feel the way i feel?
can you hear the words coming out from my heart?

let me be your mcb (:

2007-08-17T01:24:00.001+08:00

uni was really boring today;
2hr lecture & 1hr tute on Aboriginal Studies.
doubt i'd turn up for the following weeks'.
tutor even said we didn't have to if we didn't want to.
how sick is that (:

had dinner with dad's friends at south ocean.
saw jenny and my long lost primary school friend- shaun (:
the food tasted like crap today.
lucky we had yummy tom yum soup and chicken sticks at garbo before that!

gym tmr- time to stay fit and slim down! haha.
uni's gonna be in the gym tmr too- HPE (:
then yummy kimchee noodle hse before jon's 21st bday celebration at night.
fun fun fun (:

you make my heart skip a beat.
let me be your m.c.b.
(:

horoscope wishes.

2007-08-15T23:47:00.000+08:00

daily horoscope for Sagittarius- 15th august 2oo7:
This is a great day for dreaming big -- so you have to make a point of figuring out what it is that you really want. Don't forget to let the world know what your hopes and wishes are -- how else will anyone know about them? Say them aloud to the universe, and picture yourself enjoying them in the future. The more you keep what you want in the front of your mind, the higher the chances are that you will get it. Promote your ideas and think positive.

so hereby i am to shout out my wish (:
i wish you'd know how my heart skips a beat when i talk to you.
i wish you'd know just how special and different you are from the others and..
i wish you'd do well in your papers next week! (:

sounds kinda stupid to be wishing all this for someone whom i hardly know.
but hey i think he's actually really worth it.
someone so different and unique in his own way (:

back to uni today at 830.
wasn't too bad- much better than i expected.
but damn, gotta do the journal again ):
so much work and it'll mean i'd have to attend all workshop to be able to write about it ):
lucky uni starts at 230 tml- yay; get to sleep in late!
oh, only one exam this semester! woohoo.
and its open book too! double woohooo (:

back in perth ):

2007-08-14T17:06:00.000+08:00

im back in perth ):
i feel so lost all of a sudden.
i suddenly miss all the fun and laughter that was filled around me the past 4 weeks.
though it was short, but it was definately a very memorable one.
the time i had there -indescribable.
nothing could ever replace the time i had the past 4 weeks- time of a lifetime!
thanks to all who were around me these 4 weeks- i love you all! xoxo.

back to uni tmr- drag.
830 start- urgh.
i am so not looking forward to it all.
guess i had too much fun the past few weeks (:
back hey, my fun time will be back real soon;
cos sweetie marilyn will be here on monday! woohooo (:
i can't wait for the nxt month to be filled with laughter and fun again.
anyways, its good to be back in a way. i've missed u all much.
the only motivating event this week is jon's 21st! (:
can't wait can't wait to party with you party animals again (:

alrighty, here are the pictures from singapore (:

you; there's something so special about you (:
is it just a crush? will it go away like the others?

fun fun fun- singapore fun (:

2007-08-12T04:35:00.000+08:00

its time to part this home of mine for a few months ):

just got back from zouk (:
tonight was good- way better than last night!
thanks for the last night sweeties- marilyn & cindy (:
went last night with angie and eis too.
it was great to have them around; but the crowd was just too urgh.
regardless, thanks to you girls i had so much fun clubbin here in singapore.
i am so gonna miss this clubbin scene and you clubbin babes ):
you girls shall wait for my arrival again in nov k! xoxo.

taipei was GREAT.
the food was great. and the shopping was even better.
brought a few pairs of heels- super duper cheap!
and other nice lil things for my sister.
thanks for the great trip- mama, bro & cindy!
really appreciated it all- right from the bottom of my heart!
love you all. xoxo.

time back here for the past month have been just great!
i wasn't looking forward to it- but it all proved me wrong the minute i got back.
firstly, my gorgeous lil cute nephew- reyes!
he's drop dead adorable, and super duper cuteeeeeeeee.
i am so going to miss him and his lil dinosaur gestures.
secondly, the love and company from my sweethearts.
without them, my trip wouldn't be filled with so much memories and laughter.
especially to sweetie M. this trip has definately made our friendship even stronger, a bond and connection that means a lot to me. and i can't wait for our fun to begin again when you visit me just a week later! (:
thirdly, to the people i met- angie, eis, glen and pc.
its been really nice to get to know you people (:
shall hope for nov's trip when we'd meet again!
lovess.

there's just something about you.
something that makes me wonder high and low (:

:)

2007-07-30T22:52:00.000+08:00

taipei: 6th-9thaug. yay (:
can't wait for all the shopping.

friday on zouk was pretty bad.
the crowd was bad and the music wasn't that great.
hope wed will be better (:
and friday too (:

that smile :)

good shopping- spore (:

2007-07-25T22:21:00.000+08:00

shopping was fun! (:
went town ystd to meet sweetie after work.
spent 150 for 2 pairs of shoes and 5 tops!
good bargain aye! (:
love my new tops and shoes! lalala.

went back to regent today.
met up with daddy hasyim and the other teachers.
good to see him again (:
went to central for waraku- yummy pizzas!
sat around clarke quay and took heaps of photos.
shall upload them tml morning.
headed back to town.
brought a dress from mango for only 55 (:
wearing it on sunday for bb reyes celebration- yay!
also brought this new collection adidas red checked shoe!
YUMMY. ahaha. got bro to get it as my advanced advanced bday pressie. love him to bits! hehe (:

movie tml- knocked out ((:
can't wait can't wait.
the rudest and funniest movie of the year (:

singapore is fun. especially when you have sweeties around.
people like marilyn and my god-family (:
wish mummy and family was around with me too.
they're missing out on so much good food and shopping. teehee.
oh, booked tix for taipei! yay! (:

loveloves. xoxo.

all about fun.

2007-07-20T12:25:00.000+08:00

singapore's been alright so far.
haven't been doing much really.
either home bumming, playing mahjiong, or just coach potato-ing. lol.
going zouk tonight with sweetheart m (:
just brought a new top from mango on tuesday- gonna wear it tonight! haha.
anyways, hopefully can meet kenric tonight (:

extended my stay in singapore till the 13th.
going to hongkong on the 9th-12th (:
can't wait can't wait.
all the shopping and food.
and hongkie guys!- i love. HAHA.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LIL PRECIOUS- pearlyn.
hope u have a good time tonight (:
sorry im not there to celebrate with u.
huggs & loves. xoxoxo.

singapore.

2007-07-16T18:06:00.000+08:00

yawns. so god damn tired.
been sleeping way too much.
bumming at home almost everyday since i touched down to boring, hot & humid singapore.
but went clubbin at zouk on friday night for ben's bday- great crowd :)
bummed around on sat. sleeping through almost the whole day and woke up to watch dvd in the evening.
last night went out to the new cathy cinema at douby ghaut before heading down to town to meet m for nydc :)
went lot one today to get the stuff for shena and emz.
so fucking hot man.
i swear i was dretched the min i reached home. lol.
guess tonight is gonna be home again.
pretty lazy to move. and the stupid assignment.
urgh. due this friday *@#$!?+*
fuck murdoch education man.
assignments on our holidays! argh.

OH SHOPPING TOMORROW :)
can't wait can't wait!

on the plane to spore.

2007-07-14T22:39:00.000+08:00

this is what i wrote on the plane.
the day i flew back to singapore.
the place filled with painful memories;

things are definately unpredictable in this world.
things that have been said and done in the past changes in a flash- right before our own eyes.
all the promises and words are nothing but lies.
the pain of holding on to those words and hope are so god damn depressing.
to look back and hope those memories will once come true again is fucking painful.
i dont want to anymore.
i dont want to feel this pain anymore.
i dont want to have to put myself in such misery.
fuck the past. fuck those memories. fuck you.

16th june 'o7

2007-06-19T19:58:00.000+08:00

16th june 2oo7- awesome night (:

the night started at hitz.
ben, melody, hannah, jon & i were playing drinking games.
whilst the background was filled with korean music (:
at first it was only hannah and ben that lost and kept drinking.
the next round after i said that, it was ME. lol.
we drank so much; only melody survived that game drinking only 3 times!
hahahaha. the whole session we were like screaming and laughing away.
we got so high that me and melody even started dancing infront of famosa. lol.
hannah got pretty drunk and puked a couple of times before we even got into metros.
after we got into mets, hannah couldn't take it so spent some time puking in the toilet. haha. that poor baby. lucky we weren't too drunk to be able to look after her :)
saw vicky and serene in the toilet. haha. funny how we alwas see people we know in the toilets- so the usual, hi, huggs, how are u, having a good night etc etc. lol :D
hannah finally sobered up and the rest of the night was FANTASTIC (:
too bad hannah's leaving this friday, if not we can club again this sat! haha.

pictureee timeee (: (: (:

taken infront of gelare :)

emo babes. lol.

my drunk darling. haha.

urgh. teaching prac tml.
thursday stupid pri curr class AGAIN.
and prac again on friday.
im dreading my 2 weeks teaching prac.
can someone save me pleaseee.

8 more days till SHENA comes! (:
YIPEEEE.
and i miss the sweet lil jasmine :(

should i let go now?

2007-06-13T00:40:00.000+08:00

you said you love me.
you said you care.
but its funny how you're showing it.
because i wonder;
if you do, would you be leaving it like this?
it seems like its just dangling there in the air.
and i still don't know what to do.

a week has passed.
no sms; no calls.
not even a message on msn.
its becoming so evident that this is ending.
is this what you're implying?
is this really what will become of us?
if it is, then goodbye dear.

thanks sis :D

2007-06-10T23:44:00.000+08:00

thanks special M.
for listening to me;
for cheering me up;
for consoling me that life will continue;
and that sun will shine my way one day.
thanks for always being there :D

2 down and one last one to go on thursday.
open book :D
haven't started studying though.
stupid teaching prac- killing me with lesson plans.
urgh. need more time to studyyy.

time to party real soon :D

time to say goodbye?

2007-06-09T23:02:00.000+08:00

is it time to say goodbye?
time to let go of everything we once had?
time to lead our very own paths?
let me know;
coz if it is, i wanna give u one last hug.
and say, thanks for everything.

its you i treasure?

2007-06-07T22:23:00.000+08:00

its you i treasure.
someone whom i miss.
its funny how its so weird talking to you now.
its so different from the past.
the things we say; the convo; is just so cold.
i wish it'd be like the past.
please, tell me what i should do;
to mend back that scar i've given you :(

regrets?

2007-06-06T15:24:00.000+08:00

just read your blog.
somehow i feel really upset.
yes, we should be a happy thing.
but why has things turned so sour btwn us?
maybe its really just me.
all my words, my actions. my wrong doings.
time and time again, its gotten worse.
you think i wont know how it feels to say no to someone? you think i've never been put in such a position?
to tell you the truth, i would never say no to you.

yes they are coming.
ppl whom shares many interests with me.
but that doesnt mean u'll be forgotten.
but that doesnt mean u wont be included.
i still want you to be the one that share my happiness & sorrows with. someone whom i can rely on.
and to be the someone u can rely on too; not just for assignments. but for everything dear.
but sometimes i just feel, i ain't appreciated and cherished as much as i cherish YOU. i dunno- maybe im just plain sensitive hey.

i really miss you.
i miss not having u sleeping over.
i miss not hearing your laughter.
i miss not having pig-outs with you.
i miss not having boost with you.
i miss not having our bubble-teas.
i miss your nonsense.
i really really miss you.

i know saying sorry now wont cure anything. nor mend things back to the way it was, and always meant to be.
but you're someone i cheish alot. someone whom i can't live without.
im sorry. i really am.
i wish i can promise you this wont happen again.
but somehow my heart needs your assurance.

please forgive me?

true friends?

2007-06-04T13:43:00.000+08:00

its happening again.
the feeling of anger and frustrations within us.
the explanations. the reasons.
when will it all be solved?
when will it get better instead of getting worse?
im seriously sick of it all.
distancing myself away and further.
distancing myself and relying on oneself.
will be better for you and me?

first exam tml! urgh.
currently studying for the other exam on thursday.
but somehow lost my book ><
can't find it around the house. so screwed if i lost it just a few days before the exam.
would an angel please find it back for me :)

awaiting 27th june. the day my sweetheart is back.
can't wait till her arrival. lalalalalala :D
someone whom i can truly rely on.
someone whom i can have heart-to-heart chats with.
someone whom i can share my happiness with.
someone whom i can call a true friend :D
lovelove shena :D :D :D

another 1month+ till i come singapore :)
missing everyone real badly.
especially my sister, marilyn.
say hello to more partying REAL SOON! :D
lalalalalalalalalaaaa.

mentally tired; very.

2007-06-02T23:06:00.001+08:00

:D
dad's finally back!
came with my uncle, aunt, grandma & lil jasmine on thursday.
soooo happy to see them all again.
especially daddy & that lil precious gem.
she's so damn adorable.
shall upload the pictures after they're gone (:

exams are finally here.
first paper on tuesday- processes of learning.
open book, thankfully :)
pretty much prepared with all those tabs sticking out.
started studying for arts which is on thursday.
close book :( but luckily only 10%. phew.
then teaching prac the following mon & tuesday.
and last paper on thursday-14thjune.
and then PARTAYYY
can't wait till the 16th- our date girls! :D

so happy that shena darling is coming.
27th june if everything goes well :)
really happy that she finally got accepted by UWA.
can't wait for our gelare times; our heart to heart talks; cruising around; & us smoking our lungs away. lol.
lalalala. im waiting ur arrival sweets. so hurry your ass overrrrr :D

another happy thing- marilyn's coming :)
gonna see her back in spore in july. and less than 2 weeks, she'd be here in perth with me again. yipee.
im really happy this year, everyone's coming.
all my girlfriends. my sweethearts :D

there aint all good things.
there's still one thing that has been lingering in my mind all these while.
i have a friend whom i treasure a lot; but always because of some factors, i seem to be distancing myself away.
she's been talking to my friends about this issue behind my back, feeling she don't know what to do.
i mean. shrugs. im not asking much. all im asking is the same old thing i've said all along.
infact im not even asking it anymore. because of it, im the one that has been giving in i realise.
the only solution is for me to take a step back each time this happens.
i feel im becoming stronger because of this.
because i've somehow realise i can't count on you as much as i could anymore.
i've realise, there are times i need to let go of you; just like how you let go of me at times because of that someone.

zzz. been working everyday lately.
aunt elise vegetarian shop is finally opened :)
i think im becoming semi-vegetarian. haha.
2 meals a day= vegetarian.
and its making me eat more for some weird reason.
but its all good :D
urgh. but im so freaking tired :(
im mentally tired; very.

happy 21st lucy.

2007-05-18T08:53:00.000+08:00

HAPPY 21st BIRTHDAY LUCY! (:
went out to celebrate lucy's 21st today at NB.
had a super late lunch- yummy baked chicken in portugese sauce.
then had cheesecake which wasn't the best. haha.
then stayed around NB for a while. faggin all the way in the cold weather.
then went over to pot black and played a few rounds of pool.
super letdown. haha. was super rusty and it took us ages just to finish one round. hahaha.
amy and them couldn't stop laughing; and sedric looked like he was about to sleep. haha.
it was nice meeting them (: my new found mahjiong khaki :D

me; amy; hiliary (:

next went over to garbo to meet jon.
was shopping around with 3 guys. haha.
had my yummy boost (: (: (: (:

friends?

2007-05-17T09:16:00.000+08:00

sensitivity is kicking in.
cant stop feeling the way i do now.
expecting too much outta myself.
and the people around me.
what are friends? sometimes i can't even answer that.
do they only run to you when they need help?
do they only turn to you when their bf's aren't there?
do they only feel sorry when things turn sour?
will they ever appreciate all that you have done for them?

as i stand here alone- realising that the world ain't that perfect after all.

i miss my darlings.

2007-05-15T22:19:00.000+08:00

i miss marilyn :(
i miss shena :(
hurry your asses here pls babes.
im waitin for my coffees, fags, clubs, shoppin, waffles, gossips, cruising with you both!
hurrrrryyyyy (:

metros- chapsy bday.

2007-05-14T21:27:00.002+08:00

saturday- 12th may.
great night at metros (: (: (:
went to utopia with hannah to meet chapsy and gang.
stayed around and chatted around before heading to timezone to meet vinny and them.
then headed went to mets- and man, we had one of the best nights ever (:
great music and an awesome crowd (:
met a guy named kelvin. from hk.
cute but young ): damn. haha.
a wild night when as we reached home around 5.30 in the morning.
and work at 12. only had 2 hrs of sleep. haha.
woke up at 7ish and hannah and i had our lil chats.
i love that babe (:

hannah darling & i (:

nigel & i (:

tipsy girls having fun (:

me; jon & drunk jacq (:

us again (:

jon & i (:

great night at mets (:

oh i did my first prac today at marri grove primary school (:
great bunch of kids. and im damn excited to get to know them more and eventually start teaching them in the upcoming weeks (:
wish me luck (:

the past.

2007-05-12T13:33:00.000+08:00

you constantly appear in my mind.
even though its all in the past.
the days, the memories is still not forgotten.
i don't know why this is happening.
the nights i lay wide awake thinking about you.
the nights i lay wide awake missing you so dearly.
the nights i lay on my bed reading the book u wrote.
the nights i lay on my bed with tears in my eyes.
the nights i lay wishing you were here.
the nights i lay wishing you were never gone.
the nights i lay wishing you would come back.

how foolish i am to live in the past.
how foolish of me to think that i hav 4gotten all these.
i always thought i could and would get over you.
but hey. maybe i really can't.
maybe you were the mr right.
you were the mr right then, and even now.
no one can get better than you.

the way you loved me.
i wish you'd love me like that just once more.
we broke up so unintentionally right?
we broke up so foolishly.
we broke up for such a stupid reason.
can we take it back?
can we start over again?
i need a definate answer.
the things you do. the things you say.
is that hope?

i need to get over you. but how? ):

guess bag! (:

2007-05-10T21:53:00.000+08:00

went shopping with mum today.
saw this beautiful guess bag.
and yes, we brought it (: (: (: (:
we split the price in half.
half was from me for her mother's day.
and half was from her to me for my advanced advanced bday pressie.
teeheeheeeeeee (: (: (: (: (:
im so in love with it.
and i finally brought my wallet from sportsgirl.
so in love with that too (:

happy priscilla (:

new blog skin (:

2007-05-10T11:36:00.000+08:00

new blog skin.
love the song; love the skin (:

been cooped home for the past few days.
assignments & exams preparations.
urgh. pain in the arse.
getting prepared so i can enjoy in june.
firstly, dad's coming back! yay!
secondly, lil jasmine's coming over! (: (: (:
thirdly, shena's coming! yay yay yay!
lastly, peggy's coming for a holiday! (: (: (:
so you see, lots of exciting things to do.
say helloo to heaps more fun priscilla (:

its freezing.
my fingers are numb as i type this blog.
leaves are falling; winter's taking over.
which means more pigging out.
i can't stop eating when its cold.
i seriously need to gymmmm!
(: (: (: (: (:

RICE metros- 27april07

2007-04-29T00:06:00.000+08:00

27april07: RICE event at metros.
a total letdown.
expected much much better.
in the end, turned out to be just like any ordinary clubbin night.
drank but wasn't the least bit tipsy.
still, had fun coz of you guys (:

at bibiks for dinner (:

26april07- got into an accident.
wasn't my fault.
reversed and about to turn out when the lady behind reversed.
beeped her but yet she still went and bamm- hit me on the side.
lucky its no big boogie.
but im heartbroken :(
my precious car. lol.

getting in shape :]

2007-04-25T21:46:00.000+08:00

things have taken a turn for me and darling.
so happy & grateful to have her back- although there seems to be still a barrier btwn us.
still, we're slowly and carefully mending the hole back.
:)

getting into shape this time for good.
finally signed up for gym membership.
determined to get into shape.
determined NOT to go back to spore in july lookin like a balloon. lol.

other then these updates, i've been back at uni. assignments piling up again. sigh. exams are comin up too. sigh.
only thing i'm lookin forward to is shena's june trip and my july trip back to singapore to see my baby nephew :)
oh yes, and RICE at mets this friday. excitinggggg :))

sorry darling

2007-04-20T23:53:00.000+08:00

im sorry.
sorry for being a total bitch the past week.
i really regret- regret walkin out on this friendship we've had so strong.
regret for not cherishing something so special to me.
regret for not cherishing someone like you- someone i could count on for life.
im sorry- really really sorry.

i miss shena ):

2007-04-19T00:45:00.000+08:00

the times we've shared,
the talks we've had,
the connection we have- its all too real to be true.

the past 3 weeks have been GREAT.
got to meet someone i thought would never open up to me.
someone whom i thought would never understand me.
someone whom i thought would just be another passer-by in my life.
however, she wasn't- she was what anyone could ever ask for.
a girl with character; someone whom listens, understands and NEVER judge.
i simply just felt so comfortable with her; being able to talk, joke, share & confide in.
thank you for these past 3 weeks dear. u've been great.
someone whom i will cherish forever.
someone whom i will never ever want to lose nor forget.
someone whom i will take with me throughout my life journey.
member, no matter where u are, im alwas here for u, just like how i know u'll alwas be there for me.
once again, thank you sweetie (:

im missing her already ):

emo-ing

2007-04-15T23:47:00.000+08:00

those eyes of his,
that smile of his,
simply irresistable.

last night was a BLAST.
went clubbin with him & shena.
good drinks, good ambience, good chats & good dance moves.
only bad thing was him not sending us home. lol.

its so easy lovin' you.
ur presence makes me tingle baby.